Ladies, I realize this may not apply to you and your relationship.  I won't imply that ALL women are guilty of this, so please respond accordingly. But a recent conversation with a good friend of mine really got me thinking about this topic.  He and his girlfriend have been living together for a couple of years, and truly love each other.  The issue is that he feels that she rarely has anything nice to say to him or about him. I can tell you that he is not alone. There are plenty of men out there that are feeling underappreciated and yearning for their woman's approval.

A wiser, more-experienced couple once advised my wife and I that as time goes, it becomes easier to focus on the less-positive things about one another as opposed to the things that helped us to fall in love in the first place. Maybe you've just gotten used to those wonderful traits that drew you to him.  Think about how you used to feel when you met him.  Think about how you described him way back when the relationship was new.  I'm willing to bet that much of those things haven't changed.

Even the burliest, manliest of men need some affirmation. If nothing else, at least it gives men a greater sense of purpose and meaning for existence in his woman's life. For once, we have done something right instead of everything wrong. For once, perhaps you have noticed a positive result from our effort. Men have pride and egos that need stroking and maintenance. Plus, complimenting a man will do wonderful things for his character and improve his personality and communication in your relationship with them.  Yes, men have self-esteem too!

Just so we're clear, here's what I mean:
  1com·pli·ment
Pronunciation: \ˈkäm-plə-mənt\
Function: noun
1 a : an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration; especially : an admiring remark b : formal and respectful recognition : honor

We'll be more attentive, because we'll feel more secure with our role in your lives...  Now there's some motivation for you, ladies.  If you pay a little attention to us (keyword: little), we'll pay more attention to you (keyword: more)!  After all, women need compliments nearly as much as they need anything else.  Chris Rock said, "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments," and we all know he's right.  Who figured that men want to be complimented and edified too? In fact, we need to be complimented.  It keeps us motivated. 

Life can be routine. Routine can be boring.  Men generally like routines.  We like them because it's easy.  Men generally understand that if something has become routine, it has gotten that way because we didn't do it wrong the first time. But routine gets mundane. Your man gets bored and unmotivated. A compliment will encourage him. It will keep him going.

But don't doubt for a second that he isn't giving his best efforts at work or school despite the boredom.  Whether he's completing his GED or if he cleans the floors at Wal-Mart or if he's got a Master's and is upper-level management, he is working hard to take the best care of you that he can. He thinks and behaves with you in mind way more than you you'll ever realize. He wants to do it for you.  Even when his plans don't pan out,  he was just trying to make you happy... happy with him. Trust me. Let him know that you appreciate his daily efforts. 

A few ways to compliment your man include and are not limited to the following:

  • Show interest in what he does and admire him simply and truthfully. You don't have to fake it. You don't have to over-involve yourself.  Just take notice If you truly wish to compliment a man, you should be able to honestly be interested in his work, hobbies, and even his quirky habits. You should also find it relatively easy to admire his character, his handiwork, or his talents.  Ladies, there has to be something endearing about your guy. If you can't think of anything, you should break up. If you can't at least say "Honey, I think it's great that you don't have a police record," you're looking for love in the wrong place.
  • Take the time to truly appreciate what he does for you. Don't let a man always hear you complaining about what he does or doesn't do. I'm telling you this because he will think he can never do anything to please you, and will eventually stop trying. I don't mean thank him for cleaning the bathroom.  A "thank you" is only good manners. It isn't a compliment.  It isn't acknowledgement of his worth or value. Compliment him on a job well done. "Wow! You cleaned up, and I've never seen this place so tidy! I love you so much!" He knows that he has done something good.  He knows that he has done something that benefits your mood and your time. It is that much better when he knows that you see it and appreciate it.
  • Take the time to laugh at his jokes and try understand his wit and sarcasm. You don't have to over-do it, but a smile and chuckle, or verbal acknowledgement like: "Sweetie, you crack me up" works too.
  • Men love it when you ask them for help. It's something in our nature to want to be needed, to be rescuers, to be your heroes. I mean help, not chores.  I believe men should help around the house, but I'm not talking about domestication here. I'm not talking about asking him to do something that you could do for yourself. I'm referring to something that you require actual assistance to complete. For example, If you don't understand something, ask. If you can't make up your mind about something, ask. That might be the biggest compliment you can give.  Trust his expertise or judgment.  It's nice to be asked to open jars.  We like to feel strong and powerful, but trusting our intelligence is priceless.  Even if you're with the dumbest guy on the planet, occasionally making him feel smart (or less dumb) will make him stand up straighter and walk taller than he has all day.  But be careful with this one!  If you aren't prepared to follow his advice, don't present the opportunity to question his reasoning.  I'm not saying not to ask why he chose a particular stance, but don't make him feel like you don't trust his decision-making.
  • If your man is into his appearance, he needs to be reassured of his looks from time to time. I'm one of those guys.  I like to feel attractive.  If I look good, I feel good.  My wife says I'm metro, so I'm probably not like most guys. Though I'm quite proud of my intelligence, hearing that I'm physically attractive might be the biggest compliment I can get.  I'm sure your male counterpart would like to receive some kind words regarding his appearance too.  His shirt, his smile, his eyes, his arms, his walk, something about him must be physically attractive to you. If there isn't, then pick the least-repulsive trait.  "Dear, your hairy back lets me know that you're all man" is better than not saying anything at all, isn't it?
  These are just a few obvious suggestions. There are many ways to make your man feel unique, special, necessary and needed, just remember that validation is a basic human need. Ladies, you like to be complimented. You know how it makes you feel to receive a few nice words. So, do your man a favor and compliment him once in a while.  Heck, mark it on your calendar or set reminders in your cell phone.  Make it a point to remind him that you're with him because you want to be, not because you're stuck with him.

Like I said, this may not apply to you.  Even if it doesn't, maybe I've helped you to realize something or understand your man a little bit better.