Men Don't Need Feelings, Just Opinions

So I've found out that many of the cliches regarding marriage are true. I love and respect my wife more and more each day. I have learned that a good marriage does take hardwork, but there's one in particular that also holds true. I don't remember who said it but I think it goes, 'Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.'

My eyes have been opened to a few things.  One thing in particular has finally hit me like a bolt of lightening. My wife has been telling me about my subpar communication skills for a time, but I always kind of wrote off those comments as disgruntled reactions to whichever disagreement we were enduring at the time. I have come to realize that she was right. I'm a pretty rotten communicator.  By 'rotten' I mean male. By female standards, I am a below average communicator.  By wife standards, I'm downright lousy most of the time. I do take solace with the fact that mostly all men would fall into this category with me.  However, my wife isn't married to most men and she is not most women.  You can either get on her bandwagon, or get run over. Being a guy, an average guy who likes football and bloody steaks, is no excuse.

I thought I was fine before I got married.  I thought my interpersonal communication skills were above average, and more than adequate for any situation, setting or topic.  When I did have to communicate, I could mask it with sarcasm and charisma. I could flash a smile and that would be that.  I've had to learn many things about how to talk and convey a message during my time working at a car dealership.  I had grown to what I thought was a strong communicator, a wordsmith of sorts.  Well unfortunately, my wife isn't a buyer. I've almost had to re-learn the English language. I didn't have to share so many of my personal thoughts with such regularity. None of my relationships had so much riding on verbal communication.

One of the most important things I've learned about communication during my 16-month marriage journey actually goes against what many people advised me previously... Julie does NOT want me to share my feelings. Guys, sharing our feelings is the equivalent to singing in the shower. Our women want us to feel comfortable enough to do so, but they don't really want to hear those awful sounds.

When I do share my feelings, my good intentions commonly share the same result as a failed science experiment, I end up having to do more explaining than sharing. Instead of taking my words as I use them, my wife (like most women) tends to think that there is more to what I'm saying than what I'm actually saying like I'm speaking metaphorically or using some sort of code.

(Paraphrasing the need for pizza.)

My sharing then concludes with one of us being the victim and the other desperately fleeing the scene of the crime. But I suppose the confusion comes from the complexities of the female brain and the simplicity of the male's.

An opinion is an interpretation, basically one's take on a given topic. Opinions can be broken-down, discussed and debated. This is what women like: banter, discussion. Opinions are relative. Feelings, while it is possible to interpret a person's feelings, feelings cannot be debated. Feelings are absolute.

While I've realized that certain occurences, topics or issues absolutely require a true outpouring of my feelings, what my wife really wants is for me to share some sort of opinion. I've deduced that my opinion is actually what she's after, not my feelings. She wants to feel included in my life. She needs to know that we actually have a relationship, that we can communicate about things. She needs to know that I trust her with my thoughts. But it's not like handing over a spare house key as a symbol of trust to your best friend. It's a daily reaffirmation of love, value and trust.

I've had to figure out that verbal stimulation is a need for her. She has to talk, even on days when the last thing I want to do is to talk about anything. All of those thoughts cannot remain bottled inside her head. Some days I think simply inhaling and exhaling produces words to emit from my wife and daughter, who is has become quite the little chatterbox.  My simple brain can't process the verbal cues as quickly as they send them. It causes overload and shutdown.

I read some column once that discussed the disparities of male and female communication. The author stated that on the average, men use about 7000 words in a day compared to a woman's 20000. TWENTY THOUSAND WORDS. I think my jaw would cramp and lock up.   The conversation is a metaphor for the back-and-forth, give-and-take of the relationship. It takes two.  Actually, it takes one and a third, because fortunately I don't have to keep pace. I just have to engage, be a willing participant and toss in a word for every three.

No Thanks, My Unlucky Star

As you all know, the NFL has entered its '2nd Season.' The '2nd Season' is is a reference to the fact that the playoffs have started, and that win-loss records from the previous 16 games don't mean a thing. The playoffs actually started weeks ago, but I'm just now to the point that I have forgiven myself and can speak about the crime that I've committed against my team.


In actuality, I'm a much bigger college football fan than I am of pro football. I prefer the pageantry and dedication of the college game, as opposed to the contract disputes and shuffling of players between teams. I also like that each game is more important on the college level. One loss can end a team's chances at the national championship. Though I can't stand the fact that a college team can go 6-6 and make a bowl game. I don't believe in celebrating mediocrity. Being rewarded for only winning half of your games is like graduating from kindergarten in my opinion. Rewards for doing the minimum would be like getting a bonus just for showing up to work on time. When was the last time that happened?

Anyway, back to my confession and apology. To my fellow Dallas Cowboys fans: I'm sorry. I am the reason that our team got blasted by the Minnesota Vikings last week. Trust me, my intentions were good. I was merely showing my love and support. I sincerely apologize for contribution to the debacle that was the NFC Divisional Playoff Game. What did I do? I made a public display of my devotion to The Star; I wore a Cowboys t-shirt to church. But I can explain! I wore the shirt not only to display my loyalty, but also because my wife and daughter and I were planning to go to lunch at Maggiano's in Brentwood after church. Since wouldn't likely be able to watch the the game on TV, I needed the cosmic connection of sporting the team colors. You see, this shirt has been buried at the bottom of my drawer at different times during the season. So it hasn't been worn consistently enough to develop the positive mojo of a lucky shirt. But I didn't realize that. Until yesterday.

(I thought Cowboys shirt = Cowboys win.)

During these few tumultuous days since the lopsided loss, I've determined that this shirt has actually absorbed negative joojoo. I thought back to the fall of 2008 when I wore the very shirt to game versus the St Louis Rams - also a tragic, embarrassing loss.

So I have determined that donning this shirt on Sundays during the season is a no-no. However I like the shirt too much to completely retire it. Plus, this shirt is a sort of souvenir. I got it at the Dallas airport during the layover when my wife and I were coming back from our honeymoon in Mexico. Perhaps honeymoon souvenirs were never meant to be Game Day gear. The wedding mojo over powers Game Day mojo and pummels it into submission. And as we all know, wedding mojo can produce bad Game Day joojoo.

(Actually, Cowboys shirt = Cowboys loss.)

How does one develop good mojo? Good question. You see, competitive athletes develop habits. Those habits blossom into superstitions. I don't mean superstitions like the usual weirdo stuff, I mean sacred routines. Like eating the same meal on game day, or wearing the same pair of underwear because you had a good game last week. For example, I wore the same t shirt under my pads on game days for the last three years during high school football and track season. I felt comfortable in my routine, and this particular orange t shirt was a part of that routine. I'm not strange. I promise. Mostly all (that's more than most, but a little bit less than all) athletes, both current and former, have some sort of superstition. Ask anybody that played something competitively for a relatively lengthy amount of time. Heck, even your avid weekend warrior has some slightly odd aspect present in his or her preparation.

Since this shirt has developed a routine of costing my Cowboys wins, I'll have to begin the task of determining a lucky shirt. I have until August to fill the position.

Geriatric Idol

Welcome to 2010, ladies and gentlemen!  The 'Aughts' are over, and the new millenium is approaching its teen years.  Hopefully, we won't get any of the sort of smart-alecky backtalk for which my younger sister-in-law is known during these upcoming recession-recovery years.  For the past few Januaries, the New Year has brought us much enjoyment from the phenomenon that is American Idol.

Personally, I get more distress than anything.  It takes way too long to get to the good part of the show where the real talent is on display.  I can't stand the outtakes.  These blooper reels are just a waste of air time to me.  While I like the idea of displaying the diversity of contestants and wide range of talents during their prayerful run to stardom, I can't stand the staged, choreographed mockeries. This is what prevents me from 'getting into' the show early in the season.  This garbage is like the salad before the steak, or the NBA regular season compared to the playoffs.  I'll deal with it if you make me, but I'm not enjoying it at all.

A few years ago, it was William Hung and his broken-English, tone-deaf rendition of Ricky Martin's 'She Bangs.'  Though I think this guy was really trying, it's the producers of the show that are responsible for this travesty.

(What a slap in the face to people that really tried.  This dude got famous for being terrible.)

So here we are in season number nine, and the format of the show hasn't changed at all.  The producers have tried to switch it up by adding a few guest judges, but it's the same thing: cattle-call auditions that apparently are open to anyone willing to stand in line for a week.

However, according to contest rules, the winner can only be crowned if they between the ages of 16 and 28.  Thus eliminating this dignity and pride-free man:

(I've never seen a senior citizen do the splits and I see why.)

This guy hasn't been eligible to win since 1975. I'm talking age-wise. I'm not sure his talent would improve enough with another 35 years of practice to make it to Hollywood.

Why in the world would the producers even let this guy audition if he's not even eligible?  I guess they just want to help keep YouTube relevant. I do, however, agree with the message of the "song."  I thought sagging jeans stopped being cool when gangster rap and Starter jackets went out of style.

Since Mr. Larry Platt's 3 minutes with Simon went viral, it's been viewed tens of thousands of times. I hope Idol parlays this display of lyrical ingenius into a public service campaign.  Since people are subjecting themselves to this nonsense, at least the message could be emphasized.

Cavalcade of Idiocy

So there have been a couple of issues and occurences that have drawn my ire recently.  Though the Holidays are technically over, I'm going to extend our Festivus Holiday and air some grievances.  Call me Frank Costanza because "I gotta lotta problems with you people!"  I'm so perterbed by some of the things that have happened in the sports world that I don't know where to begin.  That's a lie. I know exactly where to start...

The NCAA is the dumbest governing body in the land

Three years ago, a high school basketball player from Ohio named OJ Mayo committed to play his college basketball at the University of Southern California.  I don't mean to diminish OJ's skills by only referring to him as a basketball player.  He was a two-time Mr. Basketball in the state of Ohio.  He averaged over 29 points per game and six rebounds per game his senior year and won three state titles.  This dude was a star.  Anyway after much speculation, evidence of what most of us already knew began to surface: recruiting violations.  The young star had associated himself with a guy that was associated with a sports agency and took money in order to influence and guide OJ's decisions.  There is also speculation that Mayo had received "improper benefits" (whatever that means), which caused USC to impose its own penalties in an attempt to head-off any NCAA-assessed penalties.

 

(Is anyone really surprised that he took gifts?)

While OJ is enjoying his multi-million dollar contract during his second season in the NBA, the self-imposed sanctions include: a ban on postseason competition this season, including the Pac-10 conference tournament; a reduction of two scholarships, plus other recruiting limitations (fewer coaches on the recruiting trail and fewer recruiting hours), and the forfeiture of all the victories during the 2007-08 season which was Mayo's only season on campus.  USC will also return money it received from participation in conference tournament and NCAA tournament that year. He was chosen third overall in the 2008 NBA draft.  I'm not sure of the details of his multi-year contract he currently has with the Memphis Grizzlies, but I'm sure it's at least a little bit better than the "improper benefits" he received at USC.

Situations like this really grind my gears.  USC's admission of guilt is a good thing. I like that they are taking responsibility for the violations of the men's basketball team, as well as imposing disciplinary action. But the idea of disciplining a program after the rule-breakers are gone to endure any of the punishment is idiotic. The coach quit in June of 2009, the player left the program for the NBA, so the people that are taking the brunt of the punishment weren't guilty of any wrongdoing and probably not even associated with the program while the activities were taking place.  The current team is currently 10-4, have won eight consecutive games, and off to their first 2-0 start in the Pac-10 since 2001-02... but they won't get to play past March because of something that happened in 2007.  The only part of that I agree with is returning the money. Aside from that, this form of discipline is incredibly stupid. How can a team UN-win a game two years later? That whole concept is stupid to me.  I'll leave it to a committe of decision-makers for higher education to come up with philosophical explanation for disciplining players that didn't break any rules... So in light of this, the recently-revived program will now fade back to mediocrity. Tragic.

The funny thing is that the football team is waaaayyy worse than the basketball program.  No wonder Pete Carroll is leaving his post from the cushiest head coaching job in college football to blemish his resume with the Seattle Seahawks.

Speaking of not breaking rules...

Dez Bryant, super-talented and probably college football's leading wide receiver prospect going into the 2009 season following a breakout 2008 at Oklahoma State University, also got shafted by college sports' governing braintrust. 

 

During the offseason leading up to the '09 season, Dez and his girlfriend had dinner with former pro Deion Sanders after a workout.  When questioned about the interactions by the NCAA, Bryant lied to investigators and said that the meeting never occured. Little did Bryant know, the meal wasn't against NCAA rules.  I don't fault him. He panicked.  The kid knew this season could make him a top-five pick in the upcoming draft, so his knee-jerk was to do whatever he could to stay out of trouble.  So when it finally comes out that Bryant lied (about not breaking a rule that wasn't even a rule), the NCAA responds by suspending him for the remainder of the season.  THE REMAINDER OF THE SEASON! He lied about the non-infraction and it cost him all but three games of his junior season.  Ridiculous.  I don't mean to imply that I condone lying. I don't.  But I also don't condone stupid, overreactive penalties.  There has to be some modulation.  Juries cannot convict based on emotions. People can only be punished based on facts. To shut him down for the rest of the season? Harsh.  The only conclusion that I can draw from this is that the NCAA wanted to make an example. They wanted to throw some weight around - let everyone know who's really in charge on the college scene.

It's worse-than-ridiculous when you compare it to the fact that Oregon's Lagarrette Blount punched a player from the opposing, Boise State Broncos in October, served an eight-game suspension, and got to finish the season by playing in the University of Oregon's final two games including the bowl game.

(All I can say is wow. Deion is not equal to assaulting a fellow student athlete)

Blount punched a guy, on national television no less, and only had to sit out eight games. That isn't worse than being friends with Neon Deion?  Perhaps I'm the crazy one.

Pro baseball's Hall of Fame voters ride high horses

This year's Hall of Fame voting was a joke. I'm not talking about the obvious names left out: Bert Blyleven, Barry Larkin and Tim Raines.  I'm talking about Mark Mcgwire.  Yep.  I realize that he's probably the biggest name associated with the steroid scandal.  But I also realize that the steroid problem was more of an epidemic that was as widespread through pro baseball as the bubonic plague in 1340's Europe... everybody was doing it.  So if we're going to ignore his contributions to the game, punish him by excluding his name from being discussed with other record-breakers, pretend that his inclusion would be a disservice, then every candidate from the time period from about 1989 to about 2006 should also be kept out of the HOF.  One man cannot be held accountable for the actions of many.  If there will be concessions, shouldn't those concessions be made for the elite?

YEAR	TEAM	AVG	G	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR
1986	Oakland Athletics	.189	18	53	10	10	1	0	3
1987	Oakland Athletics	.289	151	557	97	161	28	4	49
1988	Oakland Athletics	.260	155	550	87	143	22	1	32
1989	Oakland Athletics	.231	143	490	74	113	17	0	33
1990	Oakland Athletics	.235	156	523	87	123	16	0	39
1991	Oakland Athletics	.201	154	483	62	97	22	0	22
1992	Oakland Athletics	.268	139	467	87	125	22	0	42
1993	Oakland Athletics	.333	27	84	16	28	6	0	9
1994	Oakland Athletics	.252	47	135	26	34	3	0	9
1995	Oakland Athletics	.274	104	317	75	87	13	0	39
1996	Oakland Athletics	.312	130	423	104	132	21	0	52
1997	Oakland Athletics	.284	105	366	48	104	24	0	34
1997	St. Louis Cardinals	.253	51	174	38	44	3	0	24
1997	St. Louis Cardinals	.274	156	540	86	148	27	0	58
1998	St. Louis Cardinals	.299	155	509	130	152	21	0	70
1999	St. Louis Cardinals	.278	153	521	118	145	21	1	65
2000	St. Louis Cardinals	.305	89	236	60	72	8	0	32
2001	St. Louis Cardinals	.187	97	299	48	56	4	0	29
Totals:		.263	1874	6187	1167	1626	252	6	583

 (Maybe only SIX career triples is what's keeping Mcgwire out of the Hall.)

I agree that cheating is wrong.  But keep in mind, at that time, steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs weren't banned by the league. In a highly competitive arena like pro sports, athletes are in constant search of an advantage.  I cannot say that everybody was cheating, but it's more than fair to assume that a large percentage used some sort of substance to boost performance during this time.  So if he did cheat, doesn't that just make him an elite cheater?  There's something to be said for that. Seriously, don't you think he'd still have hit some home runs without whatever it was that he was allegedly using?  The guy was a home run machine throughout his career (he hit 49 of them as a rookie), he simply employed a substance to help him hit a few more.  Allegedly. Consider this, if you and I are taking an aptitude test for a job and we both have cheat-sheets concealed under our sleeves, but I get a higher grade, aren't I hired?  Here are a few other things to consider:

1. Since he retired before the Mitchell Investigation, he won't be named in the report.

2. He was fifth on the all-time home run list when he retired.

3. He was named to the All-Century Team.

4. He set the record for Major League rookie home runs with 49 in 1987, he was awarded Rookie of the Year.

5. He hit 50 or more home runs for four straight seasons.

6. The home run chase between he and Sammy Sosa in 1998 saved pro baseball following the strike-shortened 1994 season.

Perhaps the voters are just afraid that if they vote Big Mac in, they'll have to vote Barry Bonds in too.

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The Snuggie: Financing Weapons of Mass Destruction

By now, we have all heard about The Snuggie... It's the revolutionary new way to relax on your couch, read a book and look like a complete dork.  Blankets have been in existence for hundreds of years. If there were any possible improvements, any alterations would've been made to the trusted, old design generations ago instead of just last year.

(Over 4 million people have made this mistake.)

It's advertised as a fleece blanket with sleeves that make it easy to do things like answer the phone while staying cozy and warm without the dreaded inconvenience of uncovering yourself to use your hands.  Clever? No. People, you have been hoodwinked.  You've been fleeced... with fleece.

I totally shocked one of my wife's friends when I stated the obvious observation that The Snuggie is simply a robe put on backwards.  Yep, everyone has been fooled.  But not me. No way.  I see right through the slick, wholesome advertising. I can decipher the code.  The Snuggie wasn't created by someone's crafty grandmother or a cutting-edge seamstress. The Snuggie was created by Osama Bin Laden. That's right. Their $19.95 plus shipping is not only providing them with the uncoolest garment not including a pair of Crocs, it is also keeping Bin Laden safe in a mountain cave with his scud missiles pointed right at the good ol' US of A. 

I believe the infomercials for this ridiculous garment are encoded with subliminal messages. Messages that convince Americans that this fleece Lord of the Rings costume is better than any blanket or quilt that you already own.  Osama has brainwashed people into believing that previous Blockbuster nights haven't been quite what they could have been because they didn't incorporate this absurd fashion malfunction, which is now available in zebra stripes and leopard print.

OTL: NCAA Mixed Messages - ESPN Video

This is a topic that really strikes a chord with me. The NCAA is a governing body that is, in my opinion, a collection of hypocrites. They are greedy and nosey. They are bossy and unwavering. I can't stand it. I am incredibly frustrated by the decison-makers of my favorite sport. How can they represent amatuer athletes, claim to protect their amatuerism, but collect the millions of dollars that these programs generate but not share it with the athletes that are bringing the fans to the stadium? I know. I know. The athletes get a free education. Big woop. Even the highest-priced education might cost about $45000 to $55000 in a four or five-year span. Compare that to a football program like the one at the University of Texas that profitted over $80 million last season. PROFITTED OVER $80 million. That's right. Profit, not gross revenue. Profit. They paid everyone, bought new equipment and still had EIGHTY MILLION DOLLARS left over. You mean to tell me that Colt McCoy doesn't deserve a stipend? They can't lease him a Honda Civic? Please.
Then, the NCAA wants to stick their beak in, and start handing out suspensions when a booster or fan wants to reward them for their hard work stating that no student-athlete should benefit monetarily or by other benefit not available to any other student on the basis of athletic performance or talent. That statement is garbage. Being better than everyone else is exactly why student-athletes should get paid because that's why people buy tickets for the games, concessions at the stadiums, t shirts at the gift shops, and why alumni "donate" to the program.   That's why he or she gets to go to school for free.  It's why he or she gets a better meal plan, better tutors and access to nicer fitness equipment than the student rec center offers.

Evidently, the NCAA is making so much money, they can lend the kids out to shoe companies and video game companies and make more dollars.  Instead of keeping the pie all to themselves like they used to, the committee enlisted the help of outside entities like ESPN, Nike and EA Sports to make the pie bigger, share it, and get fatter.